You Might Be A Mama IF…

It was while I was in the midst of using a baby wipe to give myself a sponge bath last night (It’s been a rough few days) that it hit me that motherhood has some REALLY weird ways of letting us know we’ve arrived at our destination and are “officially” a parent.  So I’ve started to compile a list of the gross, messy, adorable or just plain hilarious facts of life that have made me realize just how much I’ve changed since Little Man decided to show up and bless us with his amazing little self. I’ll add stuff as I think of more…
1) Bathing is a luxury – even if it’s a 5 min. shower taken to the sound of shrieking. Usually, I bathe with an audience. It’s the only way I DON’T have to shower to the sound of a VERY unhappy baby boy.

2) “Going Shopping” no longer means coming home with a cute new outfit or millionth pair of shoes. There are now three kinds of shopping. Grocery shopping – which means I then get to go home, put up the groceries and cook. Clothes shopping – The one I now dread the most. It entails at least two grownups to wrangle and amuse Little Man, and due to no longer having ANY clue what looks good on me or even what size I am – it usually ends with me buying a scarf or some other equally useless accessory and fleeing the store in terror. AND THEN – then there’s Baby Shopping! Lord how I love this one. I can spend HOURS picking out the right bathtub, diaper, outfit, carrier etc. I got more excited over Leo’s new AppleCheeks cloth diaper than I did the BCBG black patent heels FireDaddy bought me. And I really do LOVE me some black patent heels!

 3) Poop. I have paid more attention to someone else’s poop in the last 6 months than I EVER though possible. I’ve worried about it, examined it much too closely, discussed it with FireDaddy, the Pediatrician, even a random lady in Wal-Mart who saw me buying infant suppositories. I’ve been pooped on more times than I can count. On one memorable occasion I even managed to get it in my hair. I’ve made up the “Poop Song” that I sing while I rub Leo’s tummy to help him go. No, I will not sing it to you. It’s embarrassing enough that it exists.

 4) I can fit my entire wardrobe, shoes included, plus FireDaddy’s entire wardrobe in ONE closet. With room to spare. And it’s not one of those huge walk in closets either. My drawers all close too! The days of taking up two whole closets or of turning the guest bedroom into a gigantic walk-in are long gone. The biggest change? I don’t miss those days. At all.

 5) I love Sesame Street. For ever and ever, till my dying day. And I can name every last monster, person, fairy or bird that lives there. I know all the songs from Blue’s Clues too. Try me.

 6) Now, when a baby cries or yells in a restaurant, or a movie theater, or anywhere else for that matter, instead of shooting angry looks with the rest of the establishment’s patrons,  I think “How nice that they’re getting out of the house!”  And then I squirm a little as my son joins the chorus.

 7) My favorite movie in the whole world is “BABIES”. It makes me cry, and laugh, and snuggle my baby a little closer. Seriously – watch it. 

 8) Going on a “date” now usually means heading to the park or a friend’s house to watch our babies stare or yell  at each other or chew on the same toy. And I  have just as much fun as I would on a “normal” date. Although a nice Mama/Daddy date night now and again is nice too! 😀

 9) I never leave the house with makeup on, I’m lucky if my socks match, and there’s usually a spit up stain SOMEWHERE on my outfit. It’s inevitable. I just go with it.

10) Mornings are my favorite time of day. I used to be a night owl – now I’m up at 7:00 a.m. My alarm clock drools on me, grabs my face, and plants a big wet one somewhere. sometimes he chews on my nose instead. Then he gives me the most amazing smile EVER, pats my face, and says…. Dadaa! *sigh*  We’re working on that.


3 thoughts on “You Might Be A Mama IF…

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